I had been wanting to take a shot at this whole blogging thing for a few years now. I’ve always been interested in writing. I didn’t think I was terrible at it but the fear of failure is always something that causes me to hesitate to pursue things I want to do. I let this fear build up until I can’t stand it anymore and I throw myself head first into whatever my current obsession is. That’s actually how I completed my college degree. I applied got accepted, completed financial aid and was ready to go all in the matter of a few days. So, usually, these things work out in some way. I’m looking forward to seeing how this particular jump develops.
There are a couple of reasons why starting a blog is appealing to me. For starters, fitness is 100% my life. I feel like I have vast knowledge and opinions that could be very useful to many people. Secondly, I am a very internal person full of fears, insecurity, and anxiety just like many others. Currently, I feel like I’m the best I’ve ever been. I still get nervous, all of the time actually, but at this point in my life I have a “take the bull by the horns” attitude that has opened me up to some really good experiences. Lastly, I think people look at me, a muscular, fit woman, and there are many assumptions made. I’ve heard many times over from members at the gym where I work that they wish they had my discipline, my drive or they assume I’ve always been like this. I don’t think anyone knows where I’ve come from or the struggles I’ve had or still have on a daily basis. I’m hoping by opening up to you I will continue to grow as a person myself and I will show you that its ok to struggle. Everyone has to fight for the things they want. I think it is important to appreciate the struggle because that’s what makes the outcome so valuable, so worth it.
Writing this part is very difficult for me. I’m just starting to talk to people about where I’ve come from. The thought of being so transparent to the world is terrifying but that is exactly why I’m starting this blog. Right?
The Very Beginning
There is not one bad thing I can say about my childhood. I was loved, very loved. I look back and think about what a charmed life I had. My sister and I grew up as the only grandchildren on my mother’s side. To say we were spoiled is an understatement. My grandparents, aunts, and uncle showered us with affection, toys and food. My family is a large Italian family. We show love with food. I find I even do this still today with my husband and dogs. Bad habits die hard. To add insult to injury I live in the New Orleans area. The food Mecca. Incredible culture, incredible food.
None of this became a problem to me until I realized I was fat. I really didn’t know that was a thing until fifth grade. I mean, I wasn’t huge just a little husky but children can be mean. I was given the name Pork Chop. To add insult to injury I couldn’t fit into any of the cool clothes everyone else was wearing. I consider myself somewhat of a fashionista so wearing T-shirt’s and biker shorts was so embarrassing. Around this time the movie Clueless came out and I just wanted so bad to look like those girls. I mean, I couldn’t even think about wearing regular jeans they were so uncomfortable!
Freshman year of high school was the last straw. It was the year that broke me. I would remain broken for far too many years after. I remember hearing a boy ask one of my friends “why is she so fat?” Devastated, this one remark would define the rest of my life. It would lead to my downward spiral but eventually, lead me to you. So, I owe that boy a big FAT thank you for making me, me.
This was also the year a group of us got together to plan our huge Sweet 16 party. In one of our group meetings, I remember looking around at all of my beautiful friends. My confidence was so low I just didn’t feel like I belonged to this group. I was ugly, I was fat, I was ashamed of myself. This was the moment I vowed to turn myself around. Instead, I signed a deal with the devil that would take ten plus years to work myself out of. This began years and years of self-hatred, body shaming, depression, disordered eating, alcoholism, non stop partying and drug use. Anything to keep my mind from remembering how unhappy I was to be living in my own body. My insecurity would lead me to be careless, wreckless, definitely wild but not free. I was in a prison of my own dysfunctional mental state.
At some point, I had enough. I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t want to live but I wasn’t going out like this. I’m not nor have I ever been a quitter. My only choice was to work myself out of the hole I had dug myself into.
Since I was very young I had an interest in fitness. At age 13 I knew I wanted to be an instructor but the fear of failure always stopped me from pursuing it. All of those years wasted. I finally took the leap and ordered the materials to begin studying for my personal training certification.
Around this time, I was lucky enough to stumble into a bar (I wasn’t completely healed just yet) and meet my husband. Lucky is an understatement. I feel like this night was the grand finale of that phase of my life. Everything was different after that night. I credit my husband 100% for breaking those final chains of my imprisonment that I couldn’t quite let go of. I don’t know if I’ve ever told him this but my desire to be the kind of person he could be proud of fueled me to complete my certification, to start competing and many other things. He drives me to face my fear of failure. He is a great man and I’m a better woman because of his love, support, and partnership.
Here we are now. I’m over 30 with a whole new level of confidence. I’m starting to appreciate all of those years of hell because 1. They make me appreciate all of my blessings now. 2. They make me the person I am. I know exactly who I am and exactly who I want to be. I’m aware that not everyone will like me or what I have to say. That’s ok though. I like me. I like my life. I have my moments of insecurity, I’m human. I still have a wild side. That’s something that’s in my soul forever but finally, I’m Free!
I hope by reading this blog I can share my knowledge and life with you and help you feel the same. Just plain happy.
ISSA Certified Personal Trainer
Associates Degree in Applied Science concentration in Dietetics
Les Mills Body Pump Instructor
NPC Figure Competitor
Former All-Star and Varsity Competitive Cheerleader
Disney Freak- Disney World is our home away from home. All of my greatest memories have happened here. My husband proposed to me in front of the castle and we honeymooned there.
Vintage Lover- I love vintage clothing. Unfortunately muscular body types weren’t catered to back then so my favorite piece is a 1963 coat I got for a steal. Aside from that I collect vintage milk glass items.
Dog Mom- I have two babies Daisy Del La Cruz and Mr. Tom Morrow. Both names inspired by rides in Disney. In fact, we give all of our pets Disney names.
Booty Shaker- I love to dance.
Hair Color- I have legitimately dyed my hair every color of the rainbow
and then some.